Zee

When Zee was 15, she met the man who would become her long-term spouse. At 16, she became pregnant, something she would later learn was not an accident but intentional on his part. Coming from a deeply abusive home, she didn’t fully grasp the severity of becoming pregnant so young.

By 18, she and her spouse had their second child. The household burden fell entirely on her: cleaning, cooking, childcare, and working, while he came and went as he pleased. Just a day after their wedding, she discovered he was cheating. He continued this behavior for the next 12 years, showing no remorse and no intent to stop.

Zee wanted to leave, but she felt trapped. With two children, bills, and no family or friend support, she was isolated. Her spouse deliberately kept her dependent; she never learned to drive and relied on him for every necessity. By 19, she was pregnant again and already severely depressed, suicidal, and emotionally abused.

He cheated openly, often messaging other women right in front of her. His cruelty escalated into physical abuse: picking her up and throwing her while she was pregnant, choking one of their children, and constantly humiliating her in front of others. The children became so afraid of him they avoided asking for food when hungry. When Zee was at work, she knew the kids wouldn’t be fed until she returned.

Financially, he refused to hold a job and resented her whether she worked or stayed home. Arguments began the moment she walked through the door. Sexual abuse was also constant; she woke up many times to him violating her, and even when she begged him to stop, he didn’t. For years, she didn’t even realize this was abuse.

Over time, Zee had five children. The relentless cycle of abuse pushed her to attempt suicide, self-harm, and eventually require psychiatric care. Despite trying marriage counseling, her spouse refused to admit wrongdoing. By April 2025, overwhelmed and broken, she attempted suicide again and surrendered her children to CPS. She now lives with PTSD, chronic depression, panic disorder, stress-induced seizures, and epilepsy, all tied directly to the abuse she endured.

Where She Could Have Had Help

• Childhood environment: Intervention at home could have prevented her from being vulnerable to early predation.
• Pregnancy at 16: Medical staff and community systems could have flagged coercion and provided stronger safety nets.
• Dependency and isolation: Programs for teen parents, driving lessons, or community outreach could have broken the forced dependency cycle.
• Abuse reporting: Clearer pathways for reporting domestic and sexual abuse—with real protection for women afraid of retaliation—could have given her a way out before 12 years passed.

Why Fear Is Misunderstood

To outsiders, it looks simple: “Why didn’t she just leave?” But fear is not just about violence. It’s about survival and calculation.

• Fear of being harmed more severely if she tried to escape.
• Fear of losing her children with no support system.
• Fear of not being believed—especially with family already dismissive.
• Fear of having literally nowhere to go.

That calculation of “stay and survive another day” is misunderstood as passivity, when it’s actually a survival tactic under coercion. This misunderstanding feeds stigma instead of solutions.

Relevant Statistics

• Domestic violence prevalence: 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence in their lifetime (CDC).
• Child exposure: More than 15 million children in the U.S. live in homes where domestic violence has occurred at least once in the past year.
• Teen pregnancy and coercion: About 26% of teen mothers report that their pregnancies were not fully consensual but pressured or coerced (Journal of Adolescent Health).
• Leaving abuse: On average, it takes 7 attempts before a survivor permanently leaves an abusive partner (National Domestic Violence Hotline).
• Sexual abuse in relationships: Between 10–14% of married women report being raped by their spouse; most don’t report it because they don’t recognize it as rape until later.
• Mental health impact: Survivors of domestic abuse are 3–5 times more likely to suffer depression, PTSD, and suicidal ideation. Women exposed to both physical and sexual abuse are twice as likely to attempt suicide compared to those who face only one form.

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